Happy Mothers Day with Love to Everyone.
This month of May is quite a surprise as we look back at our memories as new memories are being created. As the memories come flooding in, its a time in life where we can look back fondly, or a time where we sit back and just take it all in.
I honor all Angel Moms everywhere here with us right now both physically and in spirit. Because as you read this, as you are waking up or getting ready to retire for the day, your Mom is right there with you. She is in your thoughts, your memories, your mind, your actions and reactions. Everywhere you look as you stare into the mirror you see, hear, know and feel Mom. Like most of us we get to that time in life when we are talking or doing something and we have to review at what was just played out within our minds for there mom is. She is your memory of what a mom is, whether that is good, bad or indifferent, she is still there and she is cheering you onto better and greater things. I don’t know how many times I have heard “I want my children to have more than what I have had” and I think to myself well… those are some pretty big shoes to fill for so many of us as our Moms gave us more than what she had, it does not matter how big or little she gave us all that she had, to be the person we are today.
As I sit here thinking back on my own memories of my mom, I started off on what seemed to me like writing a eulogy of forgotten times but also of immortalizing mom’s everywhere. Is this bad or good? I don’t know, I just know that as each one of us on Mothers Day will be looking back thru our memories of days gone by, of days that are still here to be created, and I knew then that I just did not have all the words that could bring justice or semblance to how I am really feeling in honoring the exactness of Mom’s.
You see as a mother of five beautiful souls, there are days my heart swells with so much pride and love and then there are some days they do not look beautiful to me as we exchange the roles of motherhood. And that is hard to do as our children grow into their own adulthood. That time in life when we sit back and watch the fruits of our labor, the part of us that is now creating their own way in life. They have their own way of doing everything whether we like it or not. And I sit here and smile as it does not matter their age, they each in turn are carving their own personalities, their own way of doing what they want to do, never mind what you have tried to tell them or teach them. I have always said “we do not teach our children they teach us“. It is a learning phase that we never seem to out grow, wanting them to have more than we did or to learn by our own mistakes, forgetting they have to learn just as we did. The choices they make can sometimes make your hair stand on end, they can make you swear the loudest and they can make you pull out every last strand of hair you have. And you have to remember all of this they received from you, you have to laugh as you lived life and they are you. Every inch of their souls is an impression, a thought, deed or word that they learned from you, chewed on it and then spit it back out in their own way.
And then you have to think about all the reactions your mom had to your choices and how many hairs she had left when you were through dishing it out as you ran out the door.
Looking down the line of the generational journey into motherhood…you find yourself within the confines of memories of your mom, and as I sit here I think back to all the wonderful gifts of words, thoughts and actions my mom gave to me. Ohh..I do not deny those times I wanted to scream when she did not agree with me, and those times I wanted to bury myself deep within with her to just hold me and make the world go away. She was too young to have God call her home, she was in her prime, and maybe that is why she was needed elsewhere. She was in a prime time of her life where her children were grown and they had their own families to create and raise. In her prime time of life where she deserved to sit back enjoying the fruits of her labor, a reflection of her own identity in this world. Looking back talking and thinking to her own mom “look mom at what we have created, look at them now and how strong and beautiful they are, this is what you shared with me, that I now share with you”. A generational teaching that goes farther back in time than we give thought to. Do we ever take the time to see that within our moms is a precious soul or are we too busy just calling them Mom.
Was I ready for her to give full authority to me on my own as she went home? No, I don’t think we ever are ready for that. But I know at that moment in time when she left it did not hit me until same days later when I stopped and said out loud
” I shall always be my mothers daughter, but I am no longer my mothers daughter”.
How surreal is that? To know I no longer have to worry if my mom will get upset about the choices I make, the choices I try with new things, who I am or what I do, all of that I have to learn on my own now. All of that I have to remember thru my memories of her teachings on how to live life, how to think, act or be, to take with me now as I traverse those roads alone. We never take the time to see the separation of our self from our mothers; from the time we leave her womb and take out first breath…we are as much of her as she is of us. Everything she has instilled within us, every step we have taken to being a young lady to our womanhood she has been there to usher us through it all. And when she is no longer there we have such a deep withdrawal that we cannot see clearly what she has given us until the time comes when we own who we are.
And then too, I have many friends who are Mom’s and have lost a child. Does this take from them and their role as a Mom, no, just the opposite, as they are the strength of what to me…is a Mom. I do not have answers to give to mothers that have lost their children other than to honor them with a knowing that you are the greatest of heroes in my eyes. You have lost the greatest gift that was placed within your arms to love, guide, cherish, respect, nurture to a higher power that said this child I give to your keeping until I need them more. And then the day comes that they are needed more, how can we say more than you, we cant, but know, they too are of a higher calling in life, they too needed all that you gave to them to then take that with them to a higher place to be used and shared with all. It is a pure essence of love.
To the moms who fought their battle with cancer or another illness or disease, I honor you as you are the strength that shines for all to see. As my own mom never complained one bit as she was going thru her battle with chemo, the sickness that would overwhelm her, she did not want you asking or worrying about her, she wanted to know about you. I used to sit and watch her as she filled herself with every little thing she could about everyone as if making sure she tucked each one of those memories within her to take with her on her journey home. She was not alone when she quietly transitioned home; she was with her family close by her all the way. I honor my Mom as I know she was one in a million just as your Mom is too.
So today, I watch my own children as they wipe off runny noses, brush away the dirt from skinned knees, prepare dinner, answer a gazillion questions of why and play with their children, hug their husbands and laugh with their family, its a joyous day I can say that within each one of them is my Mom. So I sit here talking to my Mom today…
“Look Mom at what we have created, look at them now and how strong and beautiful they are, this is what you shared with me, that I now share with you”.
Have a Blessed Mothers Day, be well, laugh often, cry when you need and know a Mothers gift is more than you know, it is a generational journey into motherhood of Love.
Love, Laughter & Light™, Adele Marie
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